The mind is strong but the body is weak this week. I am doing what I’m suppose to do to correct my body’s deficiencies by getting iron infusions to replace my low iron. However, It is really throwing me for a loop. Again my mind knows I need to and wants to do all my assigned tasks but my body gives out by mid-day and I crash. I of course do what I can when I can but fatigue gets to me and some assignments don’t get done on time. Then my old blueprint beats me up and fear comes in and rattles in my head with defeating words of discouragement. As I sit here now I’m crying about not being able to keep my promises. My blueprint and personality hates it when I can’t please people, or complete my ordinary tasks of the day. I feel the struggle inside. The one side of me is hope of a better future (MKMMA) and the old side saying sit back stay status quo.
I hate to write this because it sounds like I’m just making excuses for not doing the work. And how it seems like just a big pity party I’m throwing. In, my heart it really desires to be here my true self. Just the old blueprint is so strong it wants to weigh me down and make me quit. I’m so sick of the old me. So, I hope for the new true self is stronger and faster and better, so it can conquer and defeat the old blueprint (old self).
I’m hopefully that my body will be able to defeat this physical ailment, so I can create my world without from my world with in. I can be what I will to be.